he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
