suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
