i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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