after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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