It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize
