i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
not ubering you a puppy
Randomize
