The best revenge is premature balding
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Randomize
