I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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