Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
