remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
