I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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