what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Randomize
