Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
