How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize
