i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize