I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
