My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
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