this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
