Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
