Already got asked if we're dating
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Randomize
