even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
