So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
