i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
