that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize