He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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