if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Randomize
