It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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