i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
