There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Randomize
