he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
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