Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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