Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
