U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
