I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
