I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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