I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize