cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
