You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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