Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
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