Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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