My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
