Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
