I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
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