So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Randomize
