areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
