If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
