there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Do vagina's smell?
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
