are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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