Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Randomize
