Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
