you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
pray to the hookup gods
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
