Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
