We're like a lot better than the average bears
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
