Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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