exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Randomize
