fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Randomize
