Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
