Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
