Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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