I think scott just propositioned me for sex
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
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