How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize