so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Randomize
