Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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