Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
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