I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Randomize
