I CAN MOONWALK!
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Alive.
So much puke
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
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