New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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