If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
