It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
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