You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Randomize
