I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
