i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Randomize
