I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
